(Please note, this was written before Facebook took my advice and added emoticonny responses - still valid, though)

Dear Facebook and Twitter, because this applies to both of you,

Is there any way you can change your "Like" icon (that's you, Facebook) and your "Favourite" icon (yes, Twitter, you worked it out) to be something a little more neutral?

The thing is people sometimes put news up here. I'm not 100% happy with that (but being the small-l liberal I am (I hate the fact that I and l look the same, even though they're i and L in juxtaposed cases), just because something disturbs me doesn't make we want to ban it, apart from coffee and Norman Lamont, obviously), because to be honest apart from occasional espresso depresso moody comments (which I've noticed you all fucking ignore, you unfeeling bastards - unless... oh shit this is recursive shit now - hey, pop back and work out what was before these brackets because you'll never remember - and yes I call them brackets, because I'm still in denial about anything to do with computing - go on, it's fine to go back, even I've forgotten where this started, and it's six lines now) I mostly use this to attempt, in futile moments, to get people to read my writing, or in what appears to be less futile moments, to get people to join me on largely pointless rants against the kinds of technology I work with every day. Sucks to be me, eh? Anyway, don't try to distract me. What were we saying? Ah yes, people put news.

Right, someone posts "My cock just dropped off." I don't really want to either "Like" that, nor "Favourite" it. I don't like it. I definitely don't like it. And I'm pretty sure no moment involving cocks dropping off would be my favourite, for so many reasons. Now, I could question why they posted it, but perhaps they don't want people to ask why they've turned from a baritone to Barry Gibbs in one afternoon. I don't know. But they posted it, and I would instinctively want to say "wow, man, you've had a bad time, but I don't know what I could possibly write, so let's just go clicky-clicky and we're done."

So I guess what I'm saying is could we have a "I HEAR YOU" button. That's quite neutral. I hear what you're saying. I'm appreciating the fact that you mentioned this, and we're leaving it at that. And I'm definitely never visiting you on anniversaries of cock-drop day. Just saying.