Dear Rudolf,

I am so pleased to hear that your recent experiences of bullying have stopped, but I am writing to you today to express my concern at your new job.  Your role as lead-reindeer does not seem to give long-term stable (sorry) employment, and I have doubts about the character of your new friends.  They were forced to take you in, and I am worried that will lead to ongoing resentment.  I feel strongly that you should consider extricating yourself from their company as quickly as possible.  Dancer and Prancer only think of each other ā€“ I have nothing against their relationship, but they do not have your best interests at heart.  Donner and Blitzen are well-known for their nights on the town and their heavy drinking has frequently led to them into confrontations with the police.  Vixen is well known to be an appalling gossip, and has spoken about you behind your back before.  Comet has a serious drug addiction, which is why he repeatedly believes he is flying, and Cupid is frankly a terrible example for anyone, with frequent short-term relationships consisting of no emotional attachment.

Remember that your happiness should not depend on others, least of all an old man befriending you and persuading his other employees to let you in.  You are a reindeer of value, and you have many friends.  Do not allow yourself, and that which makes you unique, to become exploited by someone who is, frankly, only using you because he is too penny-pinching to buy headlights.  I would also question whether replacing lights with naturally-phosphorescent animal-noses really constitutes acceptable road- or air-safety.

We all love you, Rudolf.  Iā€™m not telling you how to live your life, but I felt I had to write to express my concerns.

I hope you are well.