Latest business idea: iAmHowDrunk?
Ever asked "I am how drunk exactly?" Well, now with this new app you can find out. Simply put in a profile for the type of evening you're hoping to have, anything from "cheeky half after work" to "major bender probably involving tequila (and nothing good comes after tequila)", an expected duration for the evening, and your friendly app will notify you at predetermined times that you now need to do a reaction test. Pass by too much, and it will determine that you are nowhere near drunk enough for this time of the evening. Suggestions will be forthcoming, from "hurry up and finish that pint" to "nothing for it but slammers all round". Fail by too much, and you will be politely informed to slow down, for the sake of all concerned.
This way you are guaranteed the perfect level of intoxication for your allotted time duration. Huzzah. No more New Year's Eves getting to eleven and thinking "Wow, we're a bit sober, aren't we?" iAmHowDrunk? will have ensured you did a couple of shots at ten, ensuring a successful random snog with a stranger on cue as normal. We're all winners.