Imperial Unit Fears As Pint Found At Lowest Historical Level Against Litre

Following the market disturbances after the Brexit vote, fears have been raised this morning for the state of Britain’s drinkers following what brewers have been describing as a “run on the pint”.  It has flatlined now at its lowest historical level of 0.568 against the Euro-wide Litre.  It is also at its lowest against the US Pint, which is now worth a historically high 0.833GBP.

Former Chancellor Ken Clarke said “This is what you get for having a floating currency.  All we can do now is to try to keep confidence, which is why I will be using all my connections, especially those within Annie’s Bar in the House, to prop up the pint.”  He turned to go, before adding: “In fact, propping up’s on me.  Who’s coming?”

A spokesman for CAMRA said “Beards!  More beards!”  We don’t entirely understand why.

Rumours that the mile is also trading in historic lows has been rumoured to have affected the Square Mile of London rather hard, since it could be that there won’t be enough Pret-a-Mangers to go around if the City shrinks any further.  Suggestions that the unit of measurement, admired throughout the two remaining countries which use is, is now critically-endangered, have been met with scorn by Pro-Mile Campaigner Charlie Reid, who said “Look, ‘I would walk 804.672 kilometers’ just sounds silly.”