A spokesman from St James’s this morning issued a press release: “As part of the government’s austerity measures, the pre-printed stationery was replaced with a bulk purchase from Ryman’s. It was expected that ambassadors would add the customary ‘No Offence’ line to the end of their own communiqués from here on. We unreservedly apologise to the US government for Mr Whittingly-Whittingly-Whittingly’s unfortunate letter.”
The letter in question was received by the US Secretary of State last week, stating “What the fuck did you guys just do? You do realise you’ve elected an utter cockwomble.”
A spokesman for the US Embassy in London said “We were shocked. Shocked. I mean, if you guys had added no offence to the end we’d have put it down to that famous British humor of yours. Although we might have had to look up what exactly you mean my ‘cockwomble’. But without that, I’m afraid it’s war.”
Mr Whittingly-Whittingly-Whittingly was unavailable for comment, as he had last been seen entering a darkened room with a small revolver and a bottle of whisky, as is customary on these occasions.