Restaurants to be forced to draw up list of “Foreign Foods”

After a leaked memo from DEFRA, it appears the latest preparation for Brexit is to require all restaurants, including take-aways, to be required to draw up a list of foreign foods, defined as foods which have appeared in Britain since the 1972 European Act.

According to inside sources, this will then be combined with a cooling-off period of 14 days.  When asked how this work work in practice, Winston McDoofluff, legal consultant for the government, said "If, to take a merely random example, a consumer orders a pizza, then they will be required to wait 14 days, eating only 'Good honest British food, like meat and two veg'.  If then, at the end of the cooling-off period, they still for some inexplicable reason want a two-week-old takeaway pizza, they will then have it delivered as normal."

After a short pause, McDoofluff added: “This should get rid of all those foreign-sounding foods quickly, and greatly benefit the pasty industry, which we’re mainly supporting because opposition politicians don’t know how to eat them and look stupid.  Won’t affect us much, as our conference final dinner consists mostly of swan.”

The quinoa lobby is said to be furious, but unable to campaign effectively due to the difficulty of spelling and pronouncing their lobby group’s name.